Musings

My Faith: I feel like, as Baby Amazing grows, I'm coming out of a fog and trying to put my life back together. I'm studying my scriptures more diligently and helping my children have personal study time too. I'm trying to devote myself more fully to motherhood and discipleship, strengthening my family and my testimony, and trying to align my life more fully with the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ and his prophets. We're trying to create a home of order, where we work together as a family to get things done. We're trying to have better organized family home evenings that are more of the family teaching and strengthening tool they were meant to be, and our family scripture study time has become so much more enjoyable as we've turned it into more of a learning time and less of an item on our to-do list. I'm trying to figure out how more of our lives can be given in service and less about caring for our endless amount of stuff. Of course, none of this is going perfectly. But I feel like we're moving in a good direction.

I think one of the things that has helped with getting us moving in a better direction is significantly improving our temple attendance. I've seen the Lord bless us and strengthen us as we've served at the temple more often, blessing us with greater strength and a better spirit in our home. I've seen how it's blessed our children. I know that the promises of the prophets that temple attendance will bless us and our families is true. I have seen the blessings in my life.

My family: Some days I love being a mother. I love my babies. I love looking at them, watching how they think and move. I love the things they say. I love watching them grow into good people. Other days it is just plain hard work and lots of it, and all I want is a good workout, a hot-uninterupted shower, and a minute to myself. Some times I feel torn between wishing that I could always be a mother of young children, and wishing that I could just get them all in school and have that chunk of the day to keep the chaos at bay, or at least to spend more time writing, which always makes me a happier mommy. Some days I wish I could have both. Most of the time, I figure I better just be happy with where I'm at and try to be where the Lord wants me to be.

My fiction: I'm writing again! As part of trying to put my life back together, this has been one of my top goals. I've been writing almost every day, and I even sent out a picture book to a couple agents. I got a nice rejection letter from the first and am waiting to hear from the second. I'm thinking about sending it out to a third agent this week. Rejection isn't fun, but I really feel like a writer, and I'm back to working hard and it feels great. I'm really excited about my friend Jamie's new project, One Page A Day. She's starting a group where everyone commits to writing a page a day and you report by email every day, either by emailing your page, or just the fact that you finished. There will even be a weekly contest for the best sentence or paragraph written that week. I believe it's open for people to join at onepageadaygroup.blogspot.com. Yeah for Jamie! I've been looking for a way to feel more accountable for getting my work done, and I think this is a great way to do it.

Writing Rants

There is a popular series that I have a funny mix of love and loathing for. I love the fantasy elements, the author's vivid imagination, and the spunky main characters. What I don't like is the fact that in every single book, the author gets the young main characters to a point where it's hopeless, which is great, but then he always brings in some random magical being or adult to save the day, rather than letting his awesome main characters be strong enough to do it themselves. It's always a big disappointment for me.

My new big frustration with the book was a poorly done twist at the ending. I thought I loved big twists of plot near the end. That's one of the reason that I love Harry Potter, especially books 3 and 4 in that series. But this book I just finished last night taught me that there are a few things that I do not love in a twist ending. A good guy ended up being a bad guy, which I could handle, but this good/bad guy also happened to be the love interest, and there just weren't enough hints to lead up to the fact that this romance was doomed. So disappointing. It felt like one big huge "Gotcha," and I don't really like to feel tricked as a reader. It just changed gears so fast, without enough subtle hints to lead up to it.

In all fairness, the author is good enough at what he does right that I've bought every book in this series, and I'll probably buy the last one too. I suppose that's what I'll have to analyze next. What makes a book good enough that even if it's flawed, you can't wait to read more?

Little Miracles

I've been trying this year to learn frugality. So instead of buying the dresser that I've been feeling like I need since we added one new person to the house, so I don't have to keep her clothes and things sitting in messy piles, I've been holding in the urge to spend that money. We haven't really figured furniture into the budget at this point. I've been looking at the thrift store in town, but they charge a lot for falling-apart dressers. My next plan was to browse garage sales this summer, but still, I wasn't sure if I should justify the expense, unless I could find it really, really cheap.

Well, this Saturday, I happened to be driving down the street with my husband on our weekly date, and we passed what looked like a garage sale. I noticed they had a dresser and a few other things that caught my eye, so we stopped. To my delight, the dresser was in good working order--and it was free. Yeah! They also gave us a cute little table and a couple solid wood doors that looked like they might make a nice fake headboard.

I know it's a small thing, but it will be such a blessing to have that dresser. It was a miracle to me that I was able to find it for free, that we happened to drive by shortly after they set out the free items, and that we happened to be out without the kids so we could fit the items in our van. I feel so blessed, and I'm grateful the Lord is mindful of me.

The Girl Who Cried Diva

Earlier this week, I felt like the crummiest mother on earth. My daughter had a broken arm for almost a full day before I realized we really needed an xray. In my defense, who does an air guitar, enthusiastically and with joyful gusto, with a broken arm? And every time she complained about her arm hurting, it was connected wanting to make sure that she could wear a pretty silk scarf as a sling to school the next day, or wanting to get out of buckling her own seat belt, a fit that she throws almost every day. Also she was making a bigger deal out of the scraped knee she got at the same time, because she could see blood. The Diva puts the same amount of emotional energy into complaining about papercuts or having to get herself dressed for school. So really, I ask you, what's a mother to do?

Before the Last Day of School

Last night Diva Girl said to me, "Ha! Now you have to take care of four kids instead of just two!" (Her tone of voice was full of nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!)

I told her I was looking forward to having two more slaves.

She told me that I'd be the one to be a slave.

We'll see. Considering they've been home for less than an hour, and they're already babysitting Baby Amazing for me, I think I may be winning.

Oh My Diva

Diva Girl was in a class play this week. As much as I love to hear that girl sing, I've been dreading it since I heard that in what was probably an attempt to make parents' lives easier, the only required costume item was a pair of jeans.

Diva Girl doesn't do jeans.

As I knew would happen, Diva woke up the morning of the play with a serious scowl going on. The scowl progressed to tears as she cried, "Nothing matches with jeans!" The crying only got louder as I heartlessly told her that "Everything matches with jeans."

And then she started the banshee howl as I reminded her that the bus was going to be here in a few minutes and like it or not she better get her little rear in some jeans.

The howl continued and intensified as I called upstairs counting down till bus time. Three minutes. Two minutes. One minute . . . and she stomped down the stairs with her cute little face scrunched up in fury, finally wearing some adorable jeans with a very matching shirt.

I handed her her breakfast on her way out the door, and she turned and said to me, "They tell you that school plays will be fun, but they're not!"

This girl is going to be such a fun teenager.

I've Been Found Out

Last night my son asked me to make him a cake. To put him off, I said, "We'll see." He walked off crying (he needed a nap and was giving me a perfectly good reason to not feel guilty about giving him sugar), and he said, "Mommy isn't going to make me a cake." I guess he's learned Mommy speak.

On the Last Night Before I'm Old

My sister thought my plans for the last night of my twenties weren't that exciting. Maybe she was right. But she got me reflecting on the last decade and all that happened in my twenties. It was an awesome decade.

It started off meeting the most amazing man on the planet who became my best friend, my first boyfriend, the first boy who held my hand, gave me my first kiss, and became my husband. I've spent the last almost ten years loving him more and more every day.

I brought four of the most beautiful, amazing children into this world and started on my journey of learning how to be a mom that I figure will take at least the rest of my life to really figure out. I've even started to get the hang of a few things. Each one of them brought me so many firsts.

I became an aunt.

I learned that I love writing, wrote several bad picture books, the beginnings of a few novels, and then completed my first novel, wrote it again, and started it all over again. I'm even starting a new one.

I dropped out of Utah State University when my first baby was born.

I graduated from Brigham Young University just a month before my third baby was born.

I learned how to speak Spanish.

I forgot how to speak Spanish.

I learned how to drive.

I bought my first two cars.

I bought my first home.

It's been a pretty great decade, so I figure I can relax on this last night of my twenties knowing that I put the years to good use. Yeah, I could have done more, I guess, but might as well leave something for the next decade, right?

Crafting a new story

I'm working on a new story idea, and since a lot of what I read is fantasy, I guess I just assumed that might be a good fit for me. I love my idea, and I think it could make a great book, but I find myself balking at creating this fantasy world. I have so many questions and I don't know how many of them need answers.

If there's magic in your story, is it a given, or do you need to know where the magic comes from?

How do people like Brandon Sanderson create an entire new world from scratch and make it feel so real? How much do I need to know about my world to create that kind of feeling?

What are the conventions of a fantasy that are an absolute must, like how there is usually a boy-meets-girl scene in a romance?

And even though I've done it before, I find myself wondering again how to get from a premise to a full blown plot. I'm trying the Snowflake Method again, by Randy Ingermanson. Premises are easy for me. Plot not so much.

But I'm excited to learn, so here we go again.

Bean Quesadillas

I love good, healthy food. Sometimes I enjoy cooking, especially when I'm trying a new recipe. I also like to experiment. Here is a recipe that takes very little time, it's delicious, easy, and healthy.

Bean Quesadillas

Place corn tortillas on a skillet. Spread with a spoonful of fat free refried beans. Sprinkle with mozarella or other preferred cheese. Either top with another tortilla, or fold in half. Heat and serve.

These are very good dipped in salsa. I'm assuming they'd be good with sour cream and guacamole, too if you wanted to go that route. And I had one at a restaurant the other night that added chicken, cheddar, mexican rice, and tomatoes to the beans, all on a flour tortilla, and that was pretty good, too, so I figure this is a good base that lots of things can be added to if you feel like changing things up.

Change

I'm treating this blog as any rough draft. I keep toying around with it, changing the look, the words, the title. "This Side of Narnia" feels like it captures what I want to blog about: family, faith, and fiction, hopefully without beating anyone over the head with my ideas, which isn't really my style. The other title just felt too blunt. So maybe I'll change the address, too, to match. I don't know. Is that even possible?

Basically with a baby who doesn't sleep through the night, I'm lucky I can put together a nearly coherent sentence. Maybe it wasn't the best time to start a blog, but as I said in an earlier post, writing and blogging keep me sane. So I started, and I will probably keep revising it. Besides, it's fun to change things up.

I wish I could find the same enthusiasm for the novel I've been working on for the last few years. I finally figured out how to fix most of the problems, I got started on a new draft that really feels like it could work, and I can't seem to work up the umph to get back at the draft. I don't know if it's nursing hormones, lack of sleep, or just burnout after years on the same project. I can't seem to focus.

On the positive side of things, I've had fun writing an article that I submitted to the Liahona and the Ensign, which are church magazines. And I started work on a new novel that I'm really excited about, which is fun, working on something fresh for a change. Maybe that's what I need before I go back to finish my other novel. A little change.

Denim DI Miracle

I hate pants shopping. I always have. Nothing ever looks acceptable to me. Or if it does, it's usually not comfortable enough to chase four little munchkins around in. But I've been getting sick of wearing my comfy pants all the time and I decided it was time for a pair of jeans.

Sometimes I feel like everyone but me wears jeans. Even my husband, who almost always wears slacks recently found some jeans he likes and he wears them most weekends. I was starting to feel a little left out of the human race, but I've really had a hard time finding jeans that felt comfortable to me.

Usually pants shopping goes something like this:

1. Try on 10-30 pairs.
2. Hate every single pair.
3. Leave the store a little depressed.
4. Try another store.
5. Repeat process.
6. Eventually find a pair that I don't hate.
7. Go home loathing pants shopping.

A couple nights ago, spurred on by approaching family pictures and my desire to join the jean-wearing sector of the world, I decided to give pants shopping another try. I actually found a really comfortable pair of jeans at the first store I went to, but there were two problems. First, they were a little too form fitting to appease my sense of modesty. Second, they were $43, which I couldn't justify spending on a single item of clothing since this is The Year of Learning Frugality at our house.

So today, I went to DI, our local thrift shop, heartened by actually finding a pair that I liked at the last store, and I found 10 pairs in my size that looked solid and didn't have a granny elastic waist band.

That's when the miracle happened. Almost every single pair of pants I tried not only fit, but fit comfortably, and looked good, too. I only put four back on the rack, and when I bought all six pairs that I loved, I only paid $25 total. Now I can wear jeans ever day but Sunday if I like. I feel so normal. And frugal.

It feels good.

An Intro to the Subjects of Most of my Posts

Princess Precious is my oldest. She's 8 and probably the smartest kid I know. Math is her idea of fun. She was thinking of having a math party for her last birthday, but I was relieved when she chose to go to a local DVD rental place to play Wii with her friends instead. She's in the Gifted and Talented class at school and loves getting to do all sorts of cool (gross?) things like dissecting owl pellets and making Egyptian hieroglyphics. She loves gymnastics. She has this amazing candy radar, and is so obsessed with sweets that her ambition is to someday marry the owner of a candy store, with a pizza restaurant guy coming in at a close second.

Diva Girl is turning 7 in a few weeks. I don't know that I have ever met anyone with so much passion. She loves fiercely and has a little bit of a temper issue, like Rita was a little bit of a hurricane. She is an amazing artist, and has already won an award for her painting. When she sings, which she does pretty well, she can be heard over an entire congregation. Her recent performance with the kids in our church, the annual Primary program, was described as my little Diva Girl with 60 back up singers, even though it wasn't intended to be so. While she enjoys the occassional sweet, she's been known to throw a fit in the produce aisle, begging for a cucumber.

Darling Destructo is very much a 3-almost-4-year-old boy. Yesterday, while I thought I was watching him out of the corner of my eye as I was busy helping his sisters in the adjacent room, he dismantled a salt shaker, spreading salt around most of the kitchen, decorated my table with the Elmer's glue, made toast, started a fire with the toaster and some cardboard, and put out the flames with a squirt bottle, all of this in a matter of minutes without even making a peep. And then he sweetly helped me clean up every mess. He spends most of the day telling everyone how much he loves them, passing out the hugs and kisses, and the remainder of the day tormenting his sisters with pinches, pokes, kicks, and punches. He is currently in a little mommy-run preschool with two other little boys, learning the ways of Spiderman-Star-Wars-Batman-loving half of the kid world after being exposed mostly to princesses, dress up, and Dora. And he is loving it. It's so much fun watching him jump around with a bunch of boys, grinning, and saying, "What's this game again?" "Ninjas." "Oh, yeah! Mommy, we're playing Ninjas!"

Baby Amazing is 8 months old and the most adorable case of writer's block ever. When they handed her to me in the hospital, she could already hold up her head. The day we brought her home from the hospital she learned how to roll over. In the last three days, she learned how to crawl, how to go up and down stairs, how to eat finger foods, she's grown her third and fourth teeth, and now she's trying to stand on her own. She insists on being held almost all the time, and refuses to sleep anywhere but my bed, which is getting complicated now that she's mobile. She's the funniest mix of sweet and strong-willed, stubborn and snuggly. She is obsessed with all things edible. She is Daddy's biggest fan, and screams every time he comes in the room if he doesn't pick her up immediately. As much as I love having this little monkey for an extra appendage (unless Daddy's in the room), I'm getting a little exhausted of this phase, but trying to muscle my way through the exhaustion in an attempt to enjoy every precious minute.

Why I Love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

1. I love Jesus Christ. I'm grateful for His Atonement, His example, His teachings. I'm grateful for the strength, support, heavenly aid, and understanding that He gives me every day. I love knowing that He understands and loves me.
2. I love my Heavenly Father. I love that He hears and answers my prayers. I'm so grateful that He gave His Son to us. I'm grateful that I can always turn to Him, and that He is always there.
3. I love the opportunity to have the Spirit with me when I try to be worthy of His presence. I love the peace and guidance that the Lord blesses me with through the Spirit.
4. I love my family, and I love knowing that I can spend eternity with them.
5. I love the prophet. I'm so grateful that there are prophets and apostles on the earth today, and I love listening to their teachings and trying to apply those teachings in my life. I always feel blessed when I follow the prophet.
6. I love Relief Society, the Church's organization for women. I wish everyone could belong to the Relief Society. A few weeks ago, I was sick and so were my kids. Someone in the Relief Society found out, and within a few minutes they had arranged with some other ladies to bring dinner for my family. They're amazing.
7. I love the scriptures and how the teachings in them bless my life.
8. I love the temple and the strength I find in serving there.
   

Why I Love Blogging

1. When my toddler creates a mural that covers a third of the house, I laugh and say, "This'll make a funny blog post," instead of steaming at the ears. I can even smile through the hour-long wall-scrubbing session as I think out the best way to tell the Tale of the Budding Artist.
   
2. Writing about reality is sometimes easier than working on my novel after a long night of my four kids playing tag team, taking turns waking me up every fifteen minutes, especially if I spent the night composing the Anti-Maternal-Sleep Conspiracy post.
3. As much as I love my husband and my four babies, I love connecting with people outside my crayon-and-crumb-strewn world, even if it's a virtual sort of connection. I'll take what I can get.
4. Writing is more fun than cleaning the disaster I call Home and my kids call That Place Where We Throw Our Junk.